"Soooo funny!!! I LOVED the .....hail damage on my butt and the insurance company won't return my call posting!!!!!!! The Starbucks column had me howling!"
- Ellen, Master Teacher of the Prairie
"Reminds me of the USA Network character "Monk" - who is the poster child for living a "99.9 percent germ-free life". People that like to clean have a special trait that many (like myself) have a hard time applying to our lives. We struggle daily to take out the trash or keep the kitchen free of dirty dishes." - Bustin' a Gut in the BayouAlternate Ending
Suzie, in Phoenix, one of the Germaphobes who inspired this story, preferred the alternative ending (which I could not publish due to a 700 word limit). Taking Suzie's advice, here is the alternative ending (picking up right after you read the doctor's note):
... The next morning, he (Joy's husband) kicked her out of the house. At 10 AM, while she hovered over a latte and read a magazine at the corner Starbucks, he swept, mopped and vacuumed without complaint.
“What a nice surprise,” Joy said with a less-than-sincere smile. That afternoon, when he went to the hardware store, she cleaned the floors again until she heard the familiar squeak. Her husband caught her in the act, mop in hand. He threatened to tell her doctor.
Instead, he resorted to Plan B. One week later, he waived 2 Michael Bolton concert tickets in her face, cleared his throat, grabbed the broom handle and belted out “When a Man Loves a Germaphobe.” When the laughter subsided, he handed her a shopping bag. Gift-wrapped inside were 2 robots: a vacuum cleaner and a floor tile cleaner. Diamonds could not have excited her more.
She fired them up immediately, saying only, “I … I … I can’t believe it.” One year later, the floors have never been cleaner, and, according to the doctor, her ulcer is in remission.
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