Odds & Ends

Dunno when it began, but I've always had a "thang" for a good story, a pithy phrase, an amusing word. I call it "the good stuff," and when somebody else wrote it, I am seized with writer's jealousy ... like D.C. Talk's - "Thinking of a way to explain-o, 'cause you know that I'm flowing like a bottle of Drain-o."

But the good stuff, the magic, surrounds us all - in cyberspace chats, in songs, in coversations overheard at Starbucks. Like Neil Diamond said, "It's the rhythm of life." So start writing it down all you wannabe novelists. I have. Here are a few nuggets from my growing word/phrase list:

• 24-hour surprise
• bottom feeder
• old charms
• meat-ax approach
• trolling for
• scruple
• suffered the offense with a ....

Got a word list of your own? Do tell! Mine has guided me through writer's block and helped make ordinary columns something better.

The Danger of Diner Napkins and Long Showers

Somebody missed the memo: the one explaining that by now, at the dawn of midlife, my imaginary coffee shop - called "Coffee Snobs," "Cuppajos" or some other pithy revelation - should be what I call "the office." That RIGHT NOW, I should be ... FULL STORY


The REAL Story:

• The Brilliance of Coffee Snobs
  As far as I know, the term "coffee snobs" was first coined by Emily McKay. She graciously permitted me to use it some time ago in in one of my first column's.
  
  
• Someday: the American Dream
  Maybe my someday is not in the cards, and I DO worry about the future me ... if and when the dream finally dies. IF and WHEN that happens, there is a silver lining: it should keep a therapist or two in the black for quite some time.
  
  
• Jelly Belly Bubble Gum
  I DID make that call. I was put on hold forever. I'm sooo DONE with corporate America ... the publishing industry excepted.
  
  
• The Simon Cowell Take
  Can you picture "Idol" without him? I can't. I wouldn't even bother watching.
  
  
• A Little Music with that Column?
  CLICK HERE for this week's theme song
  
  

Email: ifguyscouldtalk@hotmail.com

Dr. F.E. Minist Chimes In

Be thankful for a clean bill of health and good health care. Many would gladly suffer the momentary sting of a shot, the gritty deposit after a teeth cleaning, and even donning those ugly optometrist paper sunglasses. Uninsured stats (according to the CDC): 40 million Americans, including 10 percent of children. Got health care? If so, stop whining about a poke in the arm and be grateful that you don't have to choose between paying the doctor or paying for food.

- Dr. F.E. Minist
- Photo by JuLee Brand

Dr. Watch Your Back: Readers Respond

Too many comments to post this week. Suffice it to say we ALL piled on in the afterglow of the "helping professions" bashfest. Below are just two voices who got in on the action:

"What's scarier than going to the doctor or dentist? Healthcare insurance. Making sure the doctors are "in network" and procedures are "covered." Otherwise count on a lame excuse why the insurance provider won't pay."
- Wicked Wendy, Sharpest Tongue in the North




"I'll say this: latrophobia is not your only problem."
- Chad, the Norwegian Moose Expert



Manly Man's Diet Update: I began at 183 pounds. I weighed myself again today after eating a McDonald's Southern Style Chicken Sandwich (not on the approved food list). Result: still under 170. However, I AM exercising almost daily now.

email me: ifguyscouldtalk@hotmail.com

Dr. You-Better-Watch-Your-Back

It’s step one: admitting the problem. So, here goes: Iatrophobia. There. I said it. That’s my problem … fear of going to the doctor. Before you tell me to “suck it up,” call me a wimp and fling the Book of Macho at me, consider this ... FULL STORY

The REAL Story:

• Your 1st Childhood Memory
  It's true, mine was a nightmare. I recently conducted an informal survey of 10 people, asking them if their first memory was good or bad. Answer: 5 good, 5 bad. Most had their first memory at the age of 3.
  
  
• RE: Dentists and Optometrists
  Lately, my luck has changed for the better, thanks to Silk's Dental Hygiene and Winter Park Optical (both in Winter Park, Colo.). Last time I left the dentist, my bib didn't even have blood on it and they told me my gums were improving (I think someone missed the "don't forget to scare the crap out of him memo"). Last eye exam, I even talked the good doctor out of shooting air in my eye.
  
  
• History Repeats Itself
  Even if, personally, I didn't have a bad rap with the helping professions, history tells us that they used to bleed people, saw off limbs, prescribe laxatives for almost any ailment. Today's doctors/surgeons still occasionally amputate the wrong limb or "accidentally" drop a surgical instrument somewhere under the skin before sewing up patients. Yikes!
  
  
• A Little Music with That Column?
  CLICK HERE for this week's theme song.

email: ifguyscouldtalk@hotmail.com

Dr. F.E. Minist Chimes In

“The best thing I have is the knife from Fatal Attraction. I hung it in my kitchen. It's my way of saying, Don't mess with me.” - Glenn Close

Feminist or not, women take pride in their homes. After all, the majority of the housework and cooking is STILL done by women. For those who like to cook, they are often very particular about their kitchen and their cooking utensils, they also consider the kitchen their territory. Coming home after a long day in the rat race and finding one's domain defaced and one's tools being mishandled can ... and WILL send any sensible woman over the edge. The best intentions can often be ruined when we fail to consider needs and expectations of our partners. Just as Mary doesn't want a dead dear in her kitchen being hacked up with her good knives, her husband probably doesn't want to find that Mary decided to use his hot glue gun to bedazzle the six-point rack.

- Dr. F.E. Minist
- photo by JuLee Brand

Oops! Dialing 9-1-1 ... with Regrets

If Mary's life were ethically cloned, sectioned, quartered and packaged for public consumption, no one would envy the individual parts. But with platinum blond hair, real fingernails, perfect eyebrows and a killer... FULL STORY

The REAL Story:

• Something About Mary
  Mary is the legendary Stick-Girl - eater of 1/2 a donut, able to call half a crouton a meal.Though the Mary in this story is not Stick Girl, Stick Girl DID feed me this story. For that, I am indebted. I am always on the prowl for something print-worthy.
  
  
• Something About Bank Tellers
  Some of the nicest people I have ever met, are bank tellers, especially the bank tellers at U.S. Bank in Granby. The free Friday cookies are also a crowd-pleaser. I always wonder if good customer service reps get tired of smiling, tired of being nice. The good ones will never admit it. CLICK HERE for one of my all-time favorite stories about a bank teller. Special thanks to Carolyn LaFavers, my financial guru, a former banker, for the inside scoop on the Dum Dums.
  
  
• One Thing About Knives
  Ben Franklin, perhaps, said it best: "There was never a good knife made out of bad steel." Funny. Charming, but personally, I'm more of a John Adams kind of guy.
  
  
• A Little Music with that Column
  CLICK HERE for this week's theme song.
  
  

ifguyscouldtalk@hotmail.com

Dr. F.E. Minist Chimes In

"I have a rule when I weigh myself: if I've gained, I starve myself for the rest of the day, but if I've lost, I starve too." – Anonymous quote from an Anorexic.

Throughout my life, I have been in contact with many individuals who suffer from eating disorders, from close friends to students in my classes. While we often associate eating disorders with simply the desire to look a certain way, they are actually about control. For many individuals, food is used a mechanism to control other forms of stress and anxiety in their lives.

Because of this, the idea of being sick to lose weight can be a theme for individuals with eating disorders or other body image issues.

It is perfectly normal to reach a point in your life where you need to lose weight or want to get in to shape. If you are having trouble with this, work with a professional to create a diet and exercise plan. Starving yourself will ultimately cause more harm than good. If you know someone who truly believes that being thinner will make them feel better about themselves, be a true friend and work to get them help.

- Dr. F.E. Minist
- photo by JuLee Brand

Manly Man's Diet: Readers Respond

"We should really see if this diet works on a woman...my menopausal body has gotten so used to sitting that my feet, back, shoulders and neck get sore just a short stroll over to the kitchen...I spend enormous amounts of time think of the benefits of exercise, eating well and oh, I really should stop smoking...my son says things like..."remember when you were skinny?" Do I!!!" - Queen Carla (Minnesota)

"I'm going to Starbucks tomorrow: White Chocolate Mocha venti.. all the fat and whip you can cram into the cup please. And before I take that first sip I will toast your "Man Diet"...laugh my best evil laugh...and sip away. Nummmmy! If you want to go on a real manly man's diet try this on for size. Get pregnant...find out you have terrible morning sickness...vomit at any food (Dinty Moore was the worst and when I say food, I include dog food in the comment too) commercials for 3 months. With that plan, you can lose a whopping 40 pounds even after you give birth to a 7 pound kid! - Wicked Wendy Bailey



"I'm not willing to get sick for a new diet ... However, I can try the sleep deprivation. I'll get back to you in a few weeks." - Jon in Jacksonville

The Manly Man's Diet Plan

New game show idea:
"Home Remedy Survivor." Viewers can play along at home, like I did as a kid. My father, concoctor of the vilest elixirs ever manufactured without a Hazmat suit, would, of course, be the host. A man of the cloth by trade, I am living proof that he missed his true calling ... FULL STORY

The REAL Story:

• The Wonders of Revlon Lipstick
  Bismarck, ND reader Michael Bain shared this "home remedy" ... one his mother was prescribed (by his grandmother) after visiting the dentist.
  
• The Manly Man's Diet Plan
  No yellow journalism in this column. I just dipped below 170 pounds for the first time in ... like ... forever. Dunno why, but when channel surfing, I frequently catch a few minutes of diet shows. My favorite: Paul McKenna's "I Can Make You Thin."
  
• Punishing a Wad of Chewing Gum.
  I highly recommend Orbit Maui Melon Mint.
  
• A Little Music with that Column?
  CLICK HERE for this week's theme song.
  

ifguyscouldtalk@hotmail.com